Eh.

Well, I'm sitting in science class right now. Boring, huh? I figured, hey, why not go on my blog and pointlessly post for my own entertainment? Well, so far it isn't working for me. Sigh, oh well, might as well get on with it.


So, nothing has changed since my last blog. Something still doesn't feel right, I don't know what it is, yaddi yaddi yadda... But, my grades are slipping, my parents are.... blah.... and there's this hole I can't fill, I don't know why it's there, and I don't know what I'm looking for to fill it. I just feel like that. So, I've decided, I'm going to pretend there's nothing wrong, like evrything is okay. I'll just forget everything... pretend like everything is okay. Maybe that help a little bit.... I don't know, but I can't figure out what's wrong with me.


And Desiray, I am so sorry. I really thought you knew about all that stuff. I thought Chappy or Liz would have told you what has been wrong with me lately. But I'm really sorry. At least now you know how bad it really got.... and how bad it really is..... and how bad it's really getting.... O.o But I love you Dez, keh? I know you can handle that stuff, I just thought you already knew...


OH! OH! I forgot! I wrote a poem!


Untitled
by Maxine Flyte

Morning light filters through the glass
What choice do I have but to wake
to face the day, to face the pain?
I pass through, a smile here, a laugh there
But why even bother?
It starts to get harder, to hide it all.
My pain grows, so does my silence.
Desolate, distracted.
I hate to be by myself, on my own.
But I want to be left alone.
So I lie to myself, I tell myself I'm all better
I want to believe it, but how can I?
My friends believe it, but why don't I?
I lie. I lie to them, to myself.
I flash a smile. Another lie. I laugh. Another lie.
I walk through the day, and It's all I can do,
just to make it through the day.
They think I'm better.
They think I'm happy.
But how could I be happy,
when I don't know where I belong?
When I don't know why I exist?
Something is missing, a big hole in my chest.
I don't know how to fill it.
I don't know why it's there.
So I'll fake another smile. I'll lie again,
until I find out why I'm not better.
Moonlight filters through the glass.
What choice do I have but to sleep
to face the night, to face my dreams?

~MaX, Savvy?