A couple of things.

Okay. So much has happened since the last time I have blogged. There is good news, bad news... and news news. Yes readers and bloggers, I said news news. But a lot of people are hurting, thanks to me, and to some people who will not be living much longer.... *shifty*

Numero Uno- Well, I may have to go to jail. O.o Only because this kid, Sk8er Boy, may die by my hands. He was a complete jerk to Angel, so now, he dies. He humiliated her, and NO ONE, i say, NO ONE, will ever hurt my Angel without some major pain!!!!! *snarles and froaths at mouth*

Numero Does- Well, my best friend, Angel... She's not doing well with the whole Sk8er Boy calling her stalker and phycotic bitch, and I love her. I hate to see her like this... It's horrible...

Numero Tres- I have many things on my mind. And I don't know why but lately, everything around me, no matter what it is, has been pissing me off. Even my friends, and for no reason! I hold back my anger at them, but I don't even know WHY I get frustrated or annoyed with them. They aren't doing anything wrong... It's just... I've had this anger in me that won't go away... And I don't know what it is.

Numero Quatro- I got over him. It took so long... But I did it. He's not chaining me down anymore. I'll always care for Brian, but I won't let him take hold of my life anymore. I have a new boyfriend now. Jason, and he's great. But... he's a big part of why I'm okay now. As soon as I said yes to him, I let go of Brian. Jason kind of... set me free. Even if our relationshp doesn't work out (wich it has been going great so far even though I'm kind of a horrible g/f), I'll always be greatful of him.

Numero- Well, I'm doing better. A lot better than I used to. You know, I was into that horrible stuff, but... I've been getting stronger in my Christain life. I have been talking to more people, and it helps. I've been getting better and stronger, and I stopped cutting. So, that's good news. But there is a bad side to this. It's been hard still. I have had the urge to do it again... and it's kind of scary. I used to be numb, you know, not feel anything? But now... everything hurts... it hurts... and it won't stop hurting. I mean, yeah. it's great that I can feel happy, and exited, and nervouse, and anxiouse, and joyfull again... but i can feel everything else too. It feels like I'm in way over my head... and I'm fighting and fighting... but it jsut gets so hard! I just want to give up and fall down again! But I'm afraid to... And no one even knows what's happening to me! It's... horrible.

So yeah. That's pretty much it. I'm out and will be back tomarrow!

~MaX, Savvy?

|o.x.X|[U].p.d.a.t.e.|X.x.o|

Well, I'm just updating all of you. Not much has changed. I still don't know what i want, don't know what's wrong with me, but there's something. I still need my friends, but for some reason, I love to be alone... By myself. So really, nothing has changed.

For an update on my outside life, not my.... emotional... life...O.o.... Well, My brother Brian still might devorce Kandra, so he'll have to fight for the custody of the kids. But at school, in health class, I might get my baby soon, but whatever. I'll deal with it. And now, Jeremy, the asshole I want to murder, is trying to get me and my friends to sing. But we're not going to, not without the other two. You see, we have this singing group, called Far From Innocence. There are six of us, but right now, there are only four of us in this class, and we refuse to sing without the other two. But he's leaving us alone now.
Well, I should be working on my schoolwork right now.... Whatever. I just can't wait for the day to end. I mean, I hate this. There's this hole... This emptiness.... and I don't know why it's there. I don't know what I want, I don't know hwo to fill that hole. I don't know what's wrong with me. But there's something wrong. I've been hating everything lately. I've been quiet annd stuff, and I think my friends will notice sooner or later. And when they ask me what's wrong.... I won't know what to tell them. I don't know what's wrong with me. Oh damn, they're going to read this. Nevermind, I guess they already know what's wrong with me.... or what isn't wrong with me..... Or no.... They know that something is wrong with me but I don't know what's wrong with me so they know that I don't know what's wrong with me.
There we go.

POETRY TIME!!
*leaps up onto stage and takes sip of water* ehem. *clears throat and taps mic*

Feeling
by Janae Mills

I walk the halls, laughing, smiling,
I walk at their side, talking and joking.
I'm lying to them.
I laugh. Another lie.
I smile. Another lie.
We say funny things, to make us laugh,
but what does it mean?
Where's the point in all of this?
Everything we say, we do,
meaningless.
We do it all, thinking it's how to live.
No. It's not.
It's all meaningless, but I want meaning.
I want things to mean something.
I want to feel like things matter.
I want to know what the point is.
I want to live everything to the fullest.
So why won't I?
I've become hard, cold.
My feelings have hardened,
so now I'm pushing them away.
Do I have any feeling left?
I want to love them,
I want to have fun with them,
But do I even have love in me?
They think I'm okay
They think I can feel them
But I've become hard, cold, numb.

~MaX, Savvy?